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Adult Adderall, yup I'm talking about it

Adult Adderall.

I’m bent over the bathtub scrubbing furiously. Mr Clean ain’t got shit on me. These Magic Erasers aren’t magic, I am.

I’m so FAST...at everything!

I text Chris and tell him, “I’m like a super hero now!”

This was my first day on Adderall. I was 37 years old, 9 months ago, when I finally had a moment that broke me enough to call the doctor and make an appointment to get tested for ADD.

My oldest son has ADHD and takes Adderall. After watching him through the testing, watching him in his classroom (I used to volunteer at his school once a week) and watching his behavior at home I quickly realized I have a lot of the same behaviors he does, and have had them since I was a kid. I don’t have the hyperactivity he does, but everything else is spot on.

Eventually after many tests and two doctors, we settled on medication as the treatment for him and he started on Adderall. It has been life changing for him. (P.S. if you’re an anti medication person, keep scrolling, this isn’t a story to open a debate on what I should do with my son’s health).

I watched him start to bloom once he started his medicine. He’s able to sit still and do things he enjoys now. He’s calmer. He’s more kind, to himself and everyone around him.

Like I said, I knew right away I had ADD after going through this with him. I never judged him once for needing this medicine, but the thought of me, a full grown adult needing to take medicine because I had a “broken brain” made me feel ashamed of myself.

He’s a kid. I’m an adult. That was the difference in my head. I should be able to handle things he can’t.

I was switching out and building a display at one of my stores completely by myself for the first time, Chris normally helps me with this. What should have taken an afternoon, and would have taken Chris even less time, took me 5 days. FIVE DAYS. Why? Because I kept making mistakes. I would forget important pieces that I couldn’t do the job without. The store is an hour from my house. So, I would have to give up for the day and drive all the way home, come back the next day with the piece only to realize I still don’t have something I need.

After day 3 of this, I cried on the phone to my mom all the way home. I got off the phone with her and made an appointment with my primary care physician to talk to him about getting the medication I knew I needed. This was 18 months after I watched my son be transformed by his meds.

My shame kept me from asking for help for 18 whole months.

My doctor quickly assessed I had ADD, not ADHD like my son. He prescribed me a low dose of Adderall quick release tablets.

My first day on them, I literally felt unstoppable. I started with the quick release tablets and tried to only take them when I absolutely needed them. I was terrified of becoming dependent on them. This caused a lot of up and down in my moods and generally wasn’t a good fit for me.

Over the last 9 months we’ve tweaked my meds and now I’m on an extended release pill every morning.

I let my shame around having to take Adderall keep me from sharing this story for 9 months too.

This morning I did a check in with my friend. A general “how is everything?” message because I hadn’t heard from her. She told me she’s getting ready to take meds to help her through a situation. I let her know how proud I am of her for that. I know how hard it is and where you are mentally when you decide to ask for the medicine.

That’s when I knew it was time to talk about the Adderall.

If you are waiting something out, afraid to ask for the help you know you need, concerned about what it will make you look like to take the meds...I want you to know it takes a lot of strength to ask for help, especially when shame has kept you paralyzed about it.

Go get the help. It makes you a badass, because badasses CHOOSE to do hard things.


Pic: most mornings I take my pill and then meditate for 20 minutes with rain sounds in my headphones while it kicks in. Then I write my story to you. This morning, I happened to be wearing my kindhearted badass sweatshirt while doing all of that. Coincidence? I think not. 😉

#storyathlete #grit #kindheartedbadass

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