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Adulting is hard..

We can do hard things.

Cash’s dad and I split up when he had just turned 3. He only knows divorced parents.

I carry a lot of guilt about it, growing up in a “broken” home myself and knowing how difficult it was for me. My constant concern is that I’m harming him in a way he’s going to carry around inside him forever.

He’s 9 now and his dad and I are both remarried to partners who are heavily invested in his wellbeing. It seems like best case scenario for him. If he HAS to grow up with divorced parents, having four parents who love him seems like the best possible thing for him.

Yet, here I am, always worrying.

We do our best as the adults to do things the “right” way. We’re all flawed humans though, carrying around our own baggage. Particularly me.

I know the importance of co-parenting in a healthy way. My parents weren’t always able to do that. We try our best. We have four parent meetings when necessary, a group text for all four to communicate easily.

Cash’s bonus mom is a great mom to her children and mine. She smart and caring and capable of helping me raise my son. Yet there’s still a part of me that’s constantly battling the fact that I have to raise him with someone I didn’t choose. I want to be clear, I’m also fully aware this is my ego and my issue. She’s a wonderful human. If I wasn’t clouded by my stubbornness and emotional reactions, we might even be friends (we are friendly, not friends).

I’m working hard every day to let go of my resentment, let go of my guilt over my “failed” marriage and move forward as positively as we can with the situation we have, because I don’t want Cash to grow up broken because I can’t check my ego.

Adulting is hard, divorce is hard, parenting is hard, co-parenting is harder, self reflection and self management is hardest. Knowing something logically and feeling something else emotionally is hard to reconcile, even when you’re fully aware of it.

I’ll continue doing the hard stuff, because Cash deserves it, but I’m probably always going to be worried I’m ruining him with every mistake and misstep.

Raising babies is hard. We can do hard things.

1 comment

  • I never thought anything could make my husband come back to me as his wife again, after he broke up with me and left to settle down with another woman who never Knew how we both suffered and share feelings together, thank God today i was lucky to see Robinson Buckler on a site after seeing a lots of testimony and good work he have done in the lives of people helping them to get their ex husbands and wives renewing their relationship i was convinced and i contacted him and just in 3 days after the spell was caste my beloved husband came looking for me and right now we are together again and he is taking care of me and the little kids as his responsibilities and family. Once again thank you here are his contact to reach him. robinsonbucler@ gmail. com

    Valerie

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