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I'm AM ...enough

I ran a half marathon with ease, finishing strong.

I write this sentence every day in my Start Today journal. Running a half marathon has been on my goal list for several years. I’m not dumb. I know how to achieve this goal. Go running. Run until I can run one mile. Then run until I can run two miles. Then three. Then 13.1.

I also write down “I released 90 lbs”. Which is how much weight I needed to lose at my starting point, highest non pregnant weight. I’ve lost 17 of the 90 thus far with diet changes. I know from prior experience that running works well for me for weight loss.

Do you know what I don’t do? Go running consistently.

That sounds really stupid, doesn’t it? I literally know in my brain what the steps are to achieve both of those goals.

Why don’t I do it? Because deep down I don’t actually believe I can achieve that goal.

I’ve never been athletic. I worked at Sports Authority for 13 years and when I got the job people who knew me well legitimately laughed out loud at me that I was going to work there.

I’m too heavy. I’ve struggled with my weight my whole adult life. I don’t think I can lose enough weight to make it possible for my body to be able to achieve that goal. When I run now my knees hurt and I’m out of breath.

I’m not athletic ENOUGH. I’m not thin ENOUGH. I’m not dedicated ENOUGH.

I’m not _________ enough.

I’m not enough.

There’s a whole chapter in Rachel Hollis’s new book Girl, Stop Apologizing called “I’m not enough to succeed”. I didn’t realize this was my actual problem until I read it. Some how most things boil down to not being enough for me if I actually dig into them.

Conclusion: 1. Buy this book. 2. If you want to train for a 1/2 marathon at the Arnold MO Xist fitness on a treadmill next to me (it’s too cold outside!) hit me up. I do best with a running buddy. It took me six months to train for the 5k I ran like 6 years ago, so we might be there a while. 😉


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