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Metrics Matter

Metrics matter.

After Danny died and Chris and I decided to take an extended period of travel, our very first trip was to a working horse ranch in Texas.

At that point I was at my heaviest. Staying on a working ranch has been a dream of mine forever. This was a dream come true trip...until it was time to ride.

Cash and our nephew, Daniel, had never been on a horse before. I hadn’t ridden in several years. I’m the horse lover, I should have been the one to take my boys on their first ride, through that gorgeous property.

Instead, I told Chris to take them. I said I needed to stay back with the baby. Chris was confused, that didn’t make sense, why wouldn’t I want to go? I planned the trip.

I knew at 240 pounds it wouldn’t be safe for me or my horse to ride. I had to sit out, on one of my favorite activities in life, because I was too heavy. To make it worse, I had to tell my husband the real reason why I was sitting out.

It was horrific.

I vowed to myself on that trip that I would lose enough weight to ride. I missed out on a beautiful memory and I had no one to blame but myself.

It took me six months from this trip to finally start working on losing the weight. It took me 9 months to get to under 200 pounds and reward myself with riding lessons. It took me weeks of lessons before I would get in the saddle.

Yesterday, Krystal from Grit & Grace Ranch sent me a photo of my first ride. I realized that I’m the same weight now, four months later, as I was in that photo. It started to make me feel really bad about myself, like I’m not making any progress with all the work I’m doing (that’s not true, my GRIT photos show the progress I’m making, the scale doesn’t).

I went back through my old photos to try to find a picture of myself from our ranch trip. The only one available is a shot Chris stole because I wouldn’t let myself be in front of the camera then, I’m barely even visible.

I went three months later and found a photo of myself. I was roughly the same size in this picture, if not larger, as I was on my ranch trip.

I’m not even recognizable as the same human being. Forget the slimmer cheeks and single chin I have now. Pay attention to the brighter eyes and bigger smile.

Pay attention to the horse I’m with. Pay attention to the activities I’m able to do now. I rode amusement park rides with my kids at the end of summer, without a second thought of if I’d fit. I run with them without getting out of breath. I go scooter riding with my husband.

My scale may be stalled, but my life certainly isn’t. Metrics matter. I need to make sure I’m measuring the right things.

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