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Start Today Journal Gratitude | August 16, 2019

As I’m trying to train myself to wake up earlier and earlier to work before the children rise, I’ve started doing my morning guided meditations again. Today I did a 10 minute “I am...” meditation that I used to do quite often. 

I’ve just signed up for a program called StoryAthlete. I can’t 100% tell you what the program is, because I don’t fully understand it, I just had a gut feeling I needed to be a part of it. 

I learned of the program by reading my friend CJ Thomas’s stories on Facebook. Maybe a year ago ( I don’t actually know?) he started writing these amazing stories on Facebook everyday that I loved to read and began searching out when they didn’t show up in my feed. Stories about his life, his thoughts etc. This was all because of the StoryAthlete program he was doing. 

A few weeks ago I reached out and asked him about it. What is it? How do I get in? Do you have to be an actual athlete to do this? Because I’m not, and never will be. 

I’ve struggled to get control of my fitness forever. It’s been six plus years since I felt strong and proud of my body and it’s capabilities. 7 years ago I was a runner. Never a fast or good runner, but I identified as a runner. I ran my first 5k and even threw a 5k for people who had never run one. I was a runner. When I got divorced and my life crumbled, so did my running. I haven’t picked it up again. I never identified as a runner again. I never felt strong in body again. I’ve tried several times but I’ve never fully embraced it. 

The last few days as I’ve been consuming the StoryAthlete preprogram content, I’ve been thinking about how the first thing I told CJ was that I am not an athlete and never will be. 

That’s the story I’ve written for myself for my entire life. In high school I was on the Color Guard and in our school that wasn’t cool. We were not the cool girls BUT we were in badass shape. We practiced just as much, probably more, than the football team. We didn’t do 2 a days we did 12 hours a day in August with a dinner and lunch break. 8-8s. Never considered myself an athlete though. Even though we ran miles a day perfecting our show and half that running was done in plié. The muscles in my arms were sculpted and strong from holding, flipping, throwing and catching my flag, rifle and Sabre. I was absolutely an athlete. 

At 18 I started working at Sports Authority for what was supposed to be my part time job during college. It ended up being my full time job for the next 14 years. When I told people I got that job they actually laughed out loud at me about it. What would make me think I should work at SA? I’m the anti athlete. 

I’ve been allowing this story to dictate my mind for well over 20 years. I’m taking my story back. 

Yesterday I wrote in my Start Today Journal “I am an athlete.” 

What part of your story do you need to take back?

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