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Still in the game!

Still in the game.

Let me tell you a little story about Tuesday evening.

I’ve been super stressed out, trying to take care of the kids and work at the same time. Keeping them out of school was a mistake (see previous post on the rectification of that). I let my mom guilt guide my decisions and overestimated my abilities.

Tuesday, after a day full of screaming kids and no work accomplished, yet again, I started drinking a bottle of wine, straight from the bottle, as soon as Chris hit the door. I took my responsibility hat off, handed it to him, and set out to numb my day away. I succeeded.

That’s not a becoming thing to tell you, but it is the truth. I’m not immune to bad days or bad decisions. Parenting is hard. Entrepreneurship is hard. Marriage is hard. My lesser self wins sometimes, same as you.

In general, I’m not a big drinker and I very rarely drink to excess. 3:30 am I wake up on the couch and fumble to find my phone to check the time. I know I need to wake up at 5am to write my story for the day. I usually watch and read the assignment the night before, sleep on it, wake up at 5 and write it. I committed to this program and to my StoryAthlete team to show up every day and write. But, at 3:30 am after a bottle of wine and then straight whiskey on the rocks (I was having a full on moment), I’m not in any state to wake up and write.

I head to bed, go back to sleep and wake up at 8:30am. 3.5 hours after my normal wake up time. I know my writing window for the day has passed me. Once the kids are awake, it’s not quiet enough to write.

Today, Saturday, I’m still behind for the week because I’ve been writing a day behind all week now.

90 people signed up for StoryAthlete this round, after 2 weeks 30 of us are still standing. Still showing up. Still writing.

I could’ve let that one night of bad decisions knock me out of the game. 3 weeks ago, I might have. This week though, I took the bad decision, owned it, got back up at 5am the next day and kept working. By the time the new week starts on Monday, I’ll be caught back up and be on track with the team again.

I very easily could have let my lesser self win this. Let the shame set in and tell me what a bad mom I am, how I never follow through on things, how I quit on myself and here...do it again....

Not this time. Heroic Heather said she’s done with that. Get back up. Get back in the game. Fight until you make it to the finish line.

So, here I sit, in the dark of the morning, still in the game. 💪

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